


Amplify

by norestforthewckd



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, M/M, Paralysis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-24
Updated: 2015-10-24
Packaged: 2018-04-27 20:43:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5063407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/norestforthewckd/pseuds/norestforthewckd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Kaneki. Why can't I move my legs?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Amplify

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya!   
> First of all, AO3 deleted this fic.   
> Second of all, this is my first Ayakane fic. I feel that somewhere in this fic is kinda OOC. I really don't know though, I tried to make it as accurate to the characters and plot. It's been a while since since I've watched tokyo ghoul. Pls excuse me ;-;   
> But anyways, enjoy :)

His first thought was "A CCG investigator just hit Ayato's tailbone"

His second thought was "It most likely shattered his spine"

His final thought was "This is unreal"

Kaneki only had three things to think of, for his mind was occupied by the uneven slapping of his feet on the cracked pavement.

He paid no attention to the dislodging of the steel beam above, as it struck the dove, crushing his quinque and creating a pool of crimson where his head would've been.

He could care less that his face was exposed, that every dove could see it and attack.

None of it mattered.

_Because Ayato's lower half was motionless._

There was a red hue staining the ebony of Ayato's jacket, gathering at small of his back.

Between wracking breaths, Ayato's mouth ran off mantras of _fuckfuckfuckfuckFUCK_ as he beat his fists into the ground.

All Kaneki could hear was "I can't move my fucking legs."     

* * *

Ayato was a ghoul.

He was apart of a dangerous organization called Aogiri Tree.

His only family was in the 20th ward.

He was most likely paralyzed from the waist down.

_And Kaneki didn't know what to do._

There was no option of a hospital, no option of a drug strong enough to knock him out.

 _He_   _was responsible for this._

He was responsible for the raid of the CCG, searching for answers to help a teenaged ghoul cope with the pain.

_Ayato Kirishima was just a teenager._

What could Kaneki do now?

He knew nothing, nothing at all about Ayato and his health or safety.

His breaths came out in short gasps, his fingers curling themselves into tight fists.

_Someone, anyone please just help him!_

He was in pain, Ayato was in pain because he wasn't strong enough to help him.

 _He_ _was his partner, Kaneki was supposed to protect him._

_Then why aren't I the one helping him?_

* * *

 

He's been comatose.

Kaneki has looked over him, watched his chest rise and fall, his eyes remain shut.

_All my fault_

Ayato was siphoning off poison being filtered in his system, so heavy that he may not be able to wake up.

He'd look at his face, look at his legs being propped up, not able to feel anything.

Kaneki's guilt would nag at him, crawl into his ear canals and writher around his brain, echoing words of _allyourfault_ and driving him insane.

The voice would blend into many different voices, so diverse his brain wasn't able to keep up. So powerful that he could feel the veins in his temple throb, and beads of sweat roll his cheeks.

Was it Rize? Yamori? Hide? Touka?

Who was invading his mind with syrupy saccharine taunts, that stung his brain to reply _you'rewrongyou'rewrong_ at every chance it got?

 _It_ _was_ _Ayato_.

It was Ayato's smooth taunting voice, looping inside his head to constantly remind him he was the reason he couldn't feel his goddamn legs.

_Allyourfault_

 It was all Kaneki's fault, all his doing for not being there to sweep Ayato off his feet with a smooth motion.

A bitter laugh escaped him. Like what? Was Ayato a goddamn princess now?

_Did he need someone to save his ass?_

_Ayato's voice spat in his ears, ringing all throughout his brain._

_How about it, Eyepatch? You gonna save me now? Gonna carry me around all the time because my fucking legs can't work?_

He ground his teeth together. He began to take deep breaths, forcing the tears threatening to spill back in. Where they belonged.

What good would crying do for him? Who was he crying for?

It was for himself.

_How selfish, Eyepatch. Your shitty attempts of comfort are pathetic. Weak._

Something Kaneki had never heard from Ayato directly, but he could hear it as clear as day.

 _How_ _pathetic._

* * *

 

 Ayato was sitting upright when Kaneki entered the room.

His head was bowed, fingers curling around the pitiful excuse for a blanket, exhales of air falling from his lips.

Kaneki felt his heartbeat slow down, felt a familiar ache in his stomach, raw and boiling with questions and rage and not knowing what to do.

What will he do now, while awake?

The silence lingered between the two of them, as if Ayato already knew what his future will hold.

His heart seeped with ice, his intestines felt as if they were squeezing themselves, turning them inside out.

Ayato was quiet. Abnormally quiet.

_What else? He woke up from a goddamn coma and his legs don't work._

Kaneki felt the need to leave. He couldn't force Ayato to talk, nor would he try to. He had no intention of placing words inside Ayato's mouth, striking anger inside him. Like a match.

He stole another glance at the purple haired boy, and his unusual silent demeanor.

Kaneki wanted to speak to him, to tell him that it's his fault, that he won't be able to walk again.

"Kaneki. Why can't I feel my legs?"

The sound was small, but it cut through the silence like a knife.

It cut through Kaneki like a knife.

Words danced on his tongue, all of them ranging from hurt, panic, anger, sadness.

All of them things Ayato would never want to hear from Kaneki.

His throat felt thick, like it had been glued shut by the unspoken words he could not utter out.

"You were fighting with a dove, and he injuried your tailbone. It was shattered, Ayato-kun."

His voice tumbled out, smooth and calm, the exact opposite of what was building inside his chest, getting ready to explode out of his mouth in a deafening shriek.

_This was the question he was dreading._

Disbelief. It hung in the air, so thick he may be able to taste it. It billowed around Ayato, his mask starting to crack beneath feelings of anger and doubt.

"It can get better. It can always get better, right? Right?"

His voice cracked at the end, as if he was holding onto his last hope.

Kaneki chose not to say anything. Ayato understood.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do now?" The silence was gone. He was loud, loud and angry now.

The sound echoed in Kaneki's ears, numbed his brain. It forced him to take a few steps back, to lower his head in a mixture of shame and sadness.

"I'm so sorry, Ayato-kun." He spoke quietly, not wanting to rouse the anger that lay beneath the boy's surface.

"Get out." It was spoken clearly, and sounded strained.

Kaneki understood.

He understood that he was no longer needed.

He made his way toward the door, the numb feeling overtaking him, knowing now that there really wasn't anything left to do.

 _I wish I could've helped you._  

* * *

 

He wanted out of the room.

Kaneki watched as he struggled to remove the covers off his limp lower half, to push himself up.

"May I help you, Ayato-kun?" His hand reached to touch Ayato's shoulder, black laced fingertips ready to curl back in case of an attack.

"Yeah. Help me up."

Kaneki shouldered Ayato's heavy weight as he pulled him upright, and out of the bed.

"Kaneki. You can let go. I can walk."

His voice held determination, as he he stood up straight, the top of his head brushing Kaneki's mouth.

Ayato's legs gave out beneath him.

He couldn't move a single damn thing.

A feeling rose within Kaneki, something so tar-like and hurtful it brought tears to his eyes, and sadness lurked at the corners of his mouth.

Ayato felt like a rag doll, limp in his arms as he balled his hands into fists and began pounding at his legs.

"Why? Why won't it fucking move?" Ayato shook, his voice starting to close up in an attempt to block the tears coming.

Kaneki only held him tighter, as if he'd fall through his fingers, and shatter once he hit the ground.

"It isn't fucking fair, god damn it! I didn't do anything to deserve this, why can't I move my fucking legs?"

Tears began to dot Kaneki's pale skin. It fell down upon Ayato's cheeks like rain, heavy sorrowful rain.

It made Kaneki wrap his arms across the younger ghoul's torso, holding him close to him.

Ayato didn't fight back.

He had given up.

Kaneki knew he had given up, he knew and he held him tighter as silent tears began to gather in his eyes.

_Ayato called for his father and sister, called for the things he had taken away from him._

* * *

 

  _I'm so sorry Ayato-kun._

**Author's Note:**

> I reccomend listening to Roslyn by Bon Iver & St. Vincent
> 
> Feedback is appreciated !!


End file.
